Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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