is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just sent this text using only my big toe
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
