She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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