Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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