Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
