The maid of honor just puked.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
