1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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