You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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