Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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