dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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