The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
