Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
