So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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