My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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