Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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