WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
