i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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