I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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