When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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