I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
