Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
