the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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