just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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