Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize