If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
