We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
