I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
