he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
