Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
