everyone is single if you try hard enough
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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