Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
