your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
