did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
