I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I didn't shave. On purpose
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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