She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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