I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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