I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
