I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
