just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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