You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
