The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
