My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
