Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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