I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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