hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
