I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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