i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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