I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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