Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Enjoy the penises
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
