Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
