Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
