totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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