this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
