Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
