I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
