how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
