I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
