end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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