Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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