woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
