Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
