Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize