Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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