don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
