trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
