No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
