I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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