Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
