FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
