even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
