He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
