Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
