"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Drunk is a universal language darling
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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