I heard we made out
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
