Im at strip club and am horny
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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