Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
