I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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