So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
